THE SELF-IMPORTANCE OF BEING CARLOS (39) 03/19/2001 10:00p
Homeless people need busted toilets too.

{voiceover of everyone’s thoughts at an accident scene}
Yokas: Lousy drunk. I can smell him from here. If I had two minutes alone with him…
Jimmy: Look at this thing. Got here just in time. Another couple of seconds…
Sully: {about the onlookers} Just standing around like they’re catching a movie. What the hell is the matter with people?
Doc: Pulse and rhythm normal. Good breath sounds. Thank God he’s gonna pull through.
Carlos: That girl is hot. Would you look at her ass? If Jennifer Lopez and Janet Jackson had a love child, it’d be that chick. And look at Doc showing off for her saving that guy’s life. Big deal…

{Carlos makes a stupid comment but they get a call before anyone can say anything to him}
Doc: Saved by the bell.

{to her husband about why she is staying in the precariously balanced RV}
Woman: You asked me to marry you. I said yes. So what makes you think I’m gonna walk out on you now?

Carlos: If there was a scale that ranked the hugest wastes of time, stress debriefing would be like, the hugest.

Carlos: The woman wanted to go with the man. They went together. It’s TV movie of the week sad. The only thing missing is the Bulimic and the cancer kid.
Doc: You have said some insensitive things, but I think you just hit that one out of the park.

{when he first sees Jeneca}
Carlos: I’ve got a lot of stress and uh, I really need to be debriefed. I need a lot of debriefing.

Carlos: You’re a counselor, you talk to people, you help people.
Jeneca: That’s my job. But you paint houses for a living doesn’t mean you want to paint yours when you get home.

{to Jeneca}
Carlos: Do you see what I’m saying? I’m a bad person.

{voiceover – Carlos’ thoughts}
Carlos: If all I was going to be was a bucket boy making city pay I might just hate me too. I can’t blame them for the way that they are. All I can do is wish them well.

Doc: It’s been, what? Five, six days since you’ve been out with this girl. And we’ve gotten the blow-by-blow--- excuse me--- every minute since.
Carlos: Don’t be a player hater.

Jeneca: So which is it? Are you a habitual liar or an emotionally bankrupt human?
Carlos: Which is worse?

{to Jimmy}
Lombardo: When she told me I was gonna be a father I was so happy, the first thing I wanted to do was tell my best friend. I realized, that’s you.

{to Carlos}
Doc: You make your bed, and then you screw yourself in it.

Carlos: What I don’t need is for every med. school I apply to to find out I got fired from an emergency medical position because I’m an emotional black hole.

Carlos: …or they put a worse evaluation: "I’m cold, self-centered, and aloof."
Doc: I wouldn’t say that about you.
Carlos: You did, two days after I met you.

{at sensitivity training}
Carlos: What are you doing here?
Bosco: What? You mean this isn’t Jazzercise class?

{about why he is in sensitivity training}
Carlos: I slept with a girl and now I got to wear this stupid nametag.

{about sensitivity training}
Carlos: You’ve done this before?
Bosco: I practically have reserved parking.

{Carlos finds out that his senior partner has to evaluate him}
Carlos: My senior partner? That’s Doc.
Bosco: Is that a problem?
Carlos: He hates me.
Bosco: Yeah, that’d be a problem.

{to Kim about Bobby’s death}
Jimmy: You ride with a guy all day every shift for how long and you get over that in a couple weeks?

Bosco: Can I finish eating?
Yokas: Yeah, you can finish eating. And then we’ll start our shift and the first thing you’ll want to do is get a sandwich.

Yokas: So what are you guys talking about?
Carlos: Compassion.
Yokas: So that was a pretty short conversation, huh?

Bosco: Nobody thinks I got feelings.
Yokas: Bosco, that’s not fair. You have feelings. You just have them buried somewhere in a shallow grave out in Jersey.

{to Jimmy}
Carlos: So it’s not that you’re compassionate. You’re just here ‘cause you kind of screwed up in life.

Carlos: Why did you want to become a fire--- um, person?
Taylor: Uh, my dad made me do it?
{Carlos laughs}
Taylor {holding up a knife that she was cutting a sandwich with} : That’s funny?
Carlos: Not if it’s not supposed to be.

Taylor: Labels are so misleading. It’s like how they call Rocky Road "Rocky Road" when really it’s just some almonds and a couple chunks of chocolate in it.
Carlos: There’s marshmallows too.
Taylor: Exactly.

{to Carlos}
Doc: Every time I say more than three words to you you squirm around like you’re sitting through an opera.

Carlos: Am I really that bad?
Doc: Most times, yeah. Sometimes worse.

{to Carlos}
Doc: You just used to word me five times in four seconds. I’m not sure, but I think the Guinness people owe you a plaque.

Carlos: But you got to admit, getting up at five a.m. on a Saturday is…nuts.
Doc: Well, I get up at four.

Doc: Otherwise homeless people will be picking up busted up toilets left and right and anarchy reigns!

Doc: I’m really starting to think that you’re beyond help!
Carlos: I’m starting to think that I’m beyond help too.

{after doing good deeds}
Carlos: This is the way people who go to church must feel.

Carlos: You ask every person that I’ve ever treated who’s still walking around because of that which is more important, that I was soft hearted or that I was good at my job.