OLD DOGS, NEW TRICKS (55) 01/21/2002 9:00p
Everyone laughs at Davis when they find out he lives with Carlos. Everyone laughs at Carlos when he falls off the fire pole. Everyone except Doc. He says it isn’t funny, but secretly he knows it is. Also, it should be noted there were no actual dogs in this episode.

{after falling off the fire pole - voiceover}
Carlos: I thought I was dead. And that my own personal hell consisted of evil little midgets with sticky fingers, missing teeth, and pigtails. Children.

{about milk}
Tatiana: Number one fat.
Sully: Oh, no, number two fat.
Tatiana: Number one fat! Come on, hurry up take a shower. You’re gonna be that late bird that don’t get worms.

Proctor: Who’s the joke on? Me or Nieto?

Carlos: I never lost consciousness! Come on!
Taylor: You called Jimmy "Charlene" and said you didn’t want to go to school today.
Doctor: What happened?
Kim: 20 foot fall. He’s got a lump, a scalp lac, and a big mouth.

Carlos: I’m fine, really. If you let me up, I can show you. I promise I won’t go anywhere.
Dr. Thomas: Can I trust him?
Kim, Taylor, and Doc: No!

{to Dr. Thomas about Carlos}
Taylor: Doc, just so you know, this is always his cheery disposition. It’s not just the injury talking.

Doc: Either of you know what the hell he was doing on that pole?
Taylor: No, but I wish I had some photos.
Kim: Walsh said he heard him screaming for someone to call 9-1-1.
Taylor: You’re kidding.
Doc: It’s not funny, guys.
Taylor: Oh come on, Doc, it is too funny.
Kim: {imitating Carlos} "Call 9-1-1!"

Taylor: Well, looks like I got the rest of the day off.
Kim: Well, that’s the first time I considered you lucky for working with Carlos.

Yokas: What, are you dieting?
Sully: Well, it’s the Tatiana effect. She’s feeding me better food, vegetables, fish, chicken. And we take these power walks, sometimes twice a day.
Bosco: Can you believe this, Davis? Before you ladies turn the discussion to deal-a-meals and thighmasters, do you mind letting me go to work?

Davis: Now that you mention it, your ass is looking a tighter.
Sully: Davis.
Davis: More toned, a little firmer.
Sully: In the car!
Davis: Sexy!

{about Carlos}
Dr. Thomas: Where’d he fall off again?
Doc: The fire pole. Two floors of it.
Dr. Thomas: Does that happen a lot?
Doc: No, he’s…kind of special that way.

Jerry: You know what? I was wrong, you did change. You got really, really old.
Davis: So you guys are working together now?
Kim: Long story.
Taylor: But a really funny one.

Taylor: So, your roommate’s not coming home tonight.
Davis: He’s not?
Kim: Roommate? You live with Carlos?
{Davis laughs}
Kim: Carlos Nieto?
Davis: That’s pretty much the universal reaction right there.

Kim: He fell at the firehouse. He got a pretty good concussion.
Davis: Concussion? When do we get to the funny part?
Taylor: Well, he fell trying to slide down the fire pole.
Davis: Oh, right, that’s kind of funny.

Dan: I can’t believe I let one break. I must be getting old.
Sully: I hate it when the great ones start to fall apart. Cal "The Iron Man" Ripken, now Dan the Drunk.

Dan: Whoa, I like sass.
Taylor: Now there’s a word no one’s heard since Eisenhower.

{to Bosco}
Yokas: I wouldn’t want you looking for me for anything. Ever.

{to Charlie about the drugs in the gas tank}
Yokas: Ooh, how many miles you get on a gallon of that stuff?
Bosco: I’d say what? Five to ten?

Bosco: Wait until my partner here gets finished with the report. You’ll be so guilty even you won’t like yourself.
Yokas: Oh, that’s sweet.
Bosco: Well, you’re the best at it.
Yokas: Isn’t he a smooth talker?
Charlie: You’re gonna lie?
Yokas: Lie? Lie? Now that is a very offensive characterization.

{about Charlie}
Bosco; We got enough on you to put you away for a long time. I’m satisfied. Are you satisfied?
Yokas: I’m all tingly with satisfaction.

Yokas: Is he prompt?
Charlie: Well, we are drug dealers, ma’am.

Bosco: This turned out to be a really good day.
Yokas: Yeah, you shouldn’t say something like that ‘til it’s over.

Davis: I thought you didn’t like the "G" word.
Taylor: "Girl?" I don’t mind being called a girl. I just don’t like when assumptions are made because I am one.

Davis: See, I’m supposed to be the man when it comes to that, right?
Taylor: Mm-hmm. And I always let you think you are.

Kim: Seemed kind of smooth, didn’t it? Kind of right.
Taylor: Yeah, kind of right.
Kim: Yeah. Except for the lifting of that big guy part.
Taylor: Oh, lifting definitely sucked.

{voiceover}
Carlos: And there it is. If I hadn’t fallen off the fire pole. If I hadn’t gotten a concussion. If I didn’t have a roommate who never shut-up. If I hadn’t gone down the hall to ask some kid in a walker about Jerry Mankowitz, I would not have been standing there 30 seconds after Tammy Sizemore found out her fiancée was sleeping with her best friend. And I never would have had life changing sex in room 503 of Our Lady of Mercy Hospital that night. Life. You really never see it coming.