LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT (113) 10/1/2004 9:00p
Cruz showed Lt. Miller what’s up. Davis showed Finney what’s up. And Levine showed Carlos how to get rid of a curse. Boy, did she show him. [Knowing that "Levine" AKA Yvonne Jung and "Carlos" AKA Anthony Ruivivar are married in real life made this that much funnier. And creepier. But more funny]. Josh Stewart’s first episode.

Swersky: Davis, you’ll be in 5-5 David with a brand new probationary patrolman fresh from the academy.
Davis: A rookie? Seriously?
Swersky: Oh, after the fine homicide arrest you made the other day, I’m making you a Field Training Officer.
Sully: Yeah. I’ve been with a rookie. The perks aren’t worth it.
Davis: Well, it was no picnic for me either. I didn’t get any perks.
Sully: Hey, I gave you a million dollars worth of law enforcement knowledge.
Davis: Right. We’re "solving problems." That’s genius.

Swersky: The new officer’s name is Brendan Finney.
Sully: Finney? He’s gonna have a bitch of a time with that name. The only other Finney on the job I know is that filthy rat bastard Captain from IAB.
Swersky: Sully…
Sully: This guy’s the dirtiest cop I know. Now he’s the one that’s investigating all of us.
Swersky: Sullivan! This is Probationary Officer Finney. Captain Finney’s son.
Sully: You gotta be kidding me.

{about Davis and Finney}
Sully: Them together is a very bad idea.

Finney: Oh, I’d like to drive.
Davis: Oh, I’m sure you would. PPOs don’t drive. I will let you do all the paperwork produced by our unit until I feel you’ve earned the right to drive. How about that?

{to Davis}
Finney: You really think I give a damn what you people think of my father?

Carlos: Did they say how long it would take for the replacement medic to get here?
Levine: They’re calling around trying to get someone to take a double shift.
Carlos: Kim quit a week ago. Nothing like waiting until the last minute.

Levine: Grace, what sign are you?
Grace: I don’t know.
Levine: Everyone knows what sign they are.
Grace: Okay. How about I don’t care?
Levine: I’ll read you your horoscope.
Grace: Or not.
Carlos: I’m a Virgo.
Levine: I know.
Carlos: The lover.
Levine: Virgo is the virgin.
Carlos: I knew it had something to do with sex.

{to Carlos about the prospect of them getting together}
Grace: Yeah, it’ll take a hell of a lot more than two planets lining up.

{to Grace}
Carlos: I’m not even gonna get on you for volunteering for a job without asking. You know why? Because Jupiter’s aligned with Mars.

Carlos: Can’t fight it Grace, it’s destiny.

Cruz: I ever get to know what the hell we’re doing here?
Miller: Waiting for someone.
Cruz: That part I guessed.
Miller: Actually they’re friends of yours.
Cruz: I don’t have any friends.
Miller: That’s a shocker.

{to Cruz about finding Yoshi}
Miller: Going right at a guy isn’t gonna flush him out. You find his family, eventually, they’ll lead you right to him.

Man: She was so mad that I gained weight.
Psychic: She was fairly angry.
Man: I lost weight.
Psychic: It’s kinda like TV, the Hereafter can add ten pounds.

Psychic: Get the money from his pocket.
Carlos: Once you almost kill someone I think you forfeit your fee.

{to Carlos}
Psychic: I’ll remove the curse for $100.

{to Carlos after he’s cursed}
Man: Oh, man, you’re screwed.

{to Monroe}
Sully: CT Finney is scum. And anyone or anything that touched him is scum. You got a problem with that, I can drop you off back at the station.

{to Finney, on his first call}
Davis: You gonna shoot that little boy, or you gonna put your gun away?

{about Finney}
Sully: Do this punk a favor Davis, and get him out of my face.

{to Finney}
Davis: I’m your Field Training Officer. That means I evaluate you at the end of each day. So far you’ve run another RMP off the road, you’ve pointed a gun at a ten-year-old, and you’ve completely disrespected a superior officer. I would suggest you adjust your attitude and start listening to me or your career’s gonna be over before it starts. I don’t give a damn who your daddy is.

Homeless Guy: You’re gonna die.
Carlos: What?
Homeless Guy: Can I have a dollar?

Monroe: What is it with you and his father anyway?
Sully: History. A lot of it, all bad.

{hearing gunshots}
Monroe: Those aren’t firecrackers.

Davis: He’s on a motorcycle. He could be anyplace. He could be right here in this sector. A sector that you and I are responsible for. Did they not teach you that in the academy?
Finney: I know how this works. I grew up around it.
Davis: Oh, you grew up…You think you’re a grown up? I’ve seen no indication of that.

{to Finney}
Davis: We don’t pick the day. The day picks us.
O(52kb)

{seconds before a car accident happens right in front of them}
Finney: You have to be aggressive. Nothing ever happens right in front of you.

{to Carlos, taking the gunshot victim to the hospital}
Grace: Don’t go slow.

{to Carlos}
Grace: You almost got hit by a cab in New York? My God, what are the chances?
O(76kb)

{interviewing witnesses at the shooting/Chinese wedding}
Cruz: Telephone?
Man: Yes.
Cruz: Okay, what’s that number?
Man: Yes.
Cruz: Okay, thank you, that’s all we need.
Man: Thank you.
Monroe: "Thank you" he knows.
Cruz: That’s more than I can say in Chinese.

{about Miller}
Monroe: You still think he’s IAB?
Cruz: Well, I mean, it’s kind of a coincidence he shows up right after man on the roof.

Monroe: You did everything on the up and up, right?
Cruz: Well, yeah. I mean, Yokas made detective behind it.
Monroe: Right, she gets a gold shield, you get an IAB shadow.
Cruz: Welcome to my life.
O(184kb)

Nurse Emma: Who was that?
Cruz: Lieutenant Miller?
Nurse Emma: Mm. Lucky you, girlfriend.
Cruz: Oh, don’t even go there.
O(152kb)

{about dealing with the psychic}
Grace: You got pretty nasty.
Carlos: I wasn’t any nastier than you were.
Grace: She didn’t curse me.

Carlos: I need 100 bucks.
Levine: What?
Carlos: I gotta go back to that psychic and pay her before this curse kills me.

Miller: Where the hell did you go?
Cruz: I tried to call you.
Miller: No, you did not.
Cruz: I thought about it.

{to Miller}
Cruz: You and I? We’re probably never gonna be friends, okay? That’s cool. You--- you’re doing your job, I’m doing mine. But I know this precinct. I know these streets. So instead of ordering me around all the time, why don’t you just let me do my job? I’m damn good at it.
O(324kb)

{notifying Dr. Hansen’s family}
Davis: I could do this for you, Brendan.
Finney: I promised.

Finney: When I got to your wife she was conscious…and she asked me to write this down for you.
Dr. Chris Hansen: What hospital?
Finney: It’s her, um…she wanted everything left to you.

{to Dr. Hansen’s husband and daughter}
Finney: She wanted your daughter to know that there was nothing she couldn’t do. Nothing she couldn’t achieve. That she was special and smart and pretty. She wanted you to know that she wasn’t frightened and she loved you both. I’m sorry.

Davis: You did, uh, you did good.
Finney: Doesn’t feel like it.
Davis: That’s rough. That’s the hardest thing you’re ever gonna have to do.
Finney: They forgot to tell us about that at the academy.
Davis: Oh, everyday you’re gonna come across things they never told you. The academy’s like a foundation. Out here’s where you learn to be a cop.
Finney: Ever feel like you weren’t gonna be able to do it?
Davis: The job? Yeah. All the time. Look…when you’re out here you can’t control the day. That’s what I was trying to tell you earlier. You--- you don’t get to choose what happens to you. And you don’t just go running around balls out from one thing to the next. Doesn’t work like that. The only real control you have is to be as prepared as you can possibly be. For whatever. Whatever the public needs from you that day. To me, that’s what it means to be the police. So that’s my little speech.

Finney: Guess I, uh, owe Sullivan an apology.
Davis: Yeah, well, you can hold off on that one.
Finney: Well, maybe tomorrow, huh?
Davis: Maybe next year.

{about all of Levine’s "supplies" to get rid of the curse}
Grace: You keep all that in your locker?
Levine: There’s a lot of evil in the world.

Carlos: That’s it?
Levine: Mostly.
Carlos: Mostly?
Levine: Jupiter is still aligned with Mars.
{Levine throws Carlos against the wall and kisses him}
Levine: Now it’s done.
Carlos: What the hell was that?
Levine: The beginning of a love-work relationship. Don’t mess it up.

{to Carlos after seeing Levine kiss him}
Grace: I can’t help you.

Yokas: Okay, if the food doesn’t come soon I’m gonna get drunk.
Monroe: So get drunk. We’re adults.

Monroe: I don’t think I’ve ever had dinner with a detective before.
Yokas: Yeah? Well, I never had dinner as a detective before.